[ring, ring, ring]

Haglund:  Geez Louise. It's 7am, already 84 degrees in the apartment, the cats are staring unhappily at their litterbox, and some fool is calling me on the phone.

[ring, ring, ring] [ring, ring, ring]

Haglund:  This better be important.  Hello?!

Voice:  It's me. I may be in trouble again.

Haglund:  Oh, Geez Louise. As if my day didn't stink enough already. What do you want?

Voice:  People are asking questions. The questions are piling up. They're rushing to answer them.   They're not giving me a chance to defend myself.  When I was 12-years-old ––

Haglund:  Stop!  What are you talking about?

Voice:  It's the ballerinas – the beautiful ones. They're going to come after me, I know it. I've known it since I was 12-years-old.

Haglund:  Didn't your shrink tell you that your caligynephobia was under control?

Voice:  Yes, but now that woman is my new editor and she stands over me all day long with those lips pursed in a smirk. I can't take it. When I was 12-years-old ––

Haglund:  Calm down. Calm down. Are the symptoms as bad as when you had to watch Veronika Part dance with David Hallberg a few years ago?

Voice: (screeching) Oh my god, don't remind me. I'm going to have nightmares tonight. My David in the arms of that –– I hate them, all of them, with their pretty little faces. I want to call them all fat.  FAT!  I wish we could have ballet without ballerinas. I wish I wish I wish.

Haglund:  Hold on.  Do you have any of your medication left from the last episode?

Voice:  No, I don't think so. I don't like those pills. They constipate me.

Haglund:  Here's my advice. You need to write another tell-all article like you did for The Telegraph a few years back when you were arrested for photographing children. 

Voice:  You mean, tell everyone what happened to me when I was 12-years-old – when that horribly beautiful woman ridiculed me and made me shrink where no boy ever wants to shrink?

Haglund:  Exactly. Caligynephobia is a disability and you need to make people empathize with your affliction and understand that you are the real victim in this controversy. Now get out there and make everyone care. Chin up.

Voice:  Thanks, Haglund. How are the kitties?

Haglund:  Less catty than you.

[Click]

 

Comments

[angelica]

Haha, Haglund. Ballet without ballerinas. Now wouldn't that be his dream come true!

[J]

You have more than one cat? The only one we've seen is the beautiful black one at Christmastime ....

[Haglund]

J –

http://haglundsheel.typepad.com/haglunds_heel/2011/12/famous-last-words-bring-it-on-kitty.html

[J]

She's beautiful! Thank you, Haglund!

[diana]

The whole article was such pointless bitchery. Ashley Bouder a part-time ballerina? WTF? (sorry) And did we have to hear that gossipy BS about how someone (who?) told him that every great Balanchine ballerina wasn't really a ballerina?

It made me sick.

[Haglund]

Agree, Diana. It made a lot of people sick. Macaulay's writing is more yellow journalism than it isn't. It's of little substance and is simply designed to rile up the people who he knows have no respect for his reviews.

[diana]

I hope it doesn't stir up resentments in NYCB.

I only learned of it because I saw Sara Mearns' approving tweet. Is it good that she preens about a piece of yellow journalism that insults her colleagues? Taylor, Kowroski, Bouder, Whelan - "part-time" ballerinas? Literally all the great company ballerinas of the past (INCLUDING TALLCHIEF????) "not" ballerinas?

If I were any of the ballerinas that MacAulay dissed, I'd feel as if I were kicked in the guts.

I understand Sara is young and on a career and emotional high, how will her colleagues in the company feel???

[Haglund]

All good points, Diana. The problem with Twitter is that it feeds on impulsiveness. It's totally understandable how Sara might have wanted to instantly tweet some positive press about her without closely looking at what was said about others. But Tweets can be removed by the author. We'll just have to wait and see if after further consideration Sara removes or perhaps revises her comment.

The New York Times has made the decision to employ a dance critic who specializes in cattiness without the slightest knowledge of what a Pas de chat is. Add to that his constant whining for attention and for everyone to take an interest in his personal life, and you have a very toxic and unbalanced situation. Macaulay always wants to be the center of focus IN his reviews, and if he has to do it by being unprofessional, he will do so.

[diana]

Haglund, she is young but should have read the article. On page 1 (web version) there is the snipe about the "part-time" ballerinas. Kowroski, Taylor & Whelan are probably adult enough to laugh it off, but Bouder is Mearns' contemporary.

I'm not saying Bouder's immature, I am saying she that as Mearns' contemporary, she has a right to feel dissed. I don't follow MacAulay but it seems to me he has been monstrous to Bouder, criticizing her for holding turns too long - in SLEEPING BEAUTY!!! Which is famous for demanding the ballerina hold turns!!

As for saying that all of those great retired ballerinas weren't ballerinas, it hit me like a crap-pie. It didn't even have anything else to do with the article. It just stuck out.

I suppose the Russians compared Kent to Ulanova in '62 because she was never a ballerina. Right. Yeah.

[Haglund]

I think what Macaulay intended to do was the equivalent of yelling fire in a theater when there is no fire. He derives great joy from watching how his careless and ignorant words upset people.

[Emily K V]

Revolting piece, and a shame that Ms. Mearns is sufficiently tone deaf to draw attention to it. I quite enjoyed her dancing for a stretch there, but decided many months ago that she had started to believe her own press -- to the detriment, I think, of her dancing. Everything I enjoyed about the emotional element of her dancing became entirely overdone for my taste. Gimme them part-timers!

On a happier note, I want to thank Haglund for this blog. I am a devoted reader but rarely comment as I am generally in such utter agreement with Haglund and those who do comment that I feel I would not add much to the conversation.

[diana]

The tweet is still up. I doubt she read the whole thing. Not very bright.

Meanwhile her latest tweet: "You haven't seen a true ballerina until you see Wendy Whelan. Wendy Whelan in After the Rain... Nothing more beautiful."

Hm. Wonder if she's heard some "feedback"?

[Haglund]

Hi Emily. Thanks for commenting.

Whenever Macaulay – in his infinite ignorance – decides to try to make some lofty generalization about ballet or ballet dancers, everyone should know by now that he doesn't know what he's talking about and just wants to be the center of attention of those who DO know something. He's happy with the controversy that he's created and he's doubly happy if he's created discomfort among ballerinas.

[diana]

"everyone should know by now that he doesn't know what he's talking about"

Especially if you actually *are* a ballerina.

"I enjoyed about the emotional element of her dancing became entirely overdone"

Agreed. Also, I am not a "WWBT"* cultist, but I do think that dancers should try to be faithful to the ethos of Mr. B. He hated histrionic ballerina emoting. "Giselle-itis."

Whenever I see pictures of Sara with her brow knitted in exquisite torture, I think of this and laugh.

Mr. B: "No one is interested in your tears, dear."

Me: C'mon, it's not cancer!

*(What Would Balanchine Think)

[Haglund]

I recall a winter season at NYCB a couple of years ago when Macaulay didn't review any performances. NYT sent all of its other part-time critics instead. The tone of the reviews changed considerably.

IMO, NYCB and any other company has the option of telling the NYT that they don't consider Macaulay's writing professional and revoke his complimentary press seats. Let him pay to see NYCB like everyone else, if he wants to.