NYCB episode of: Love It or List It

Haglund was thrilled to be able to bring his HGTV BFFs Hilary Farr and David Visentin to the NYCB Fall Fashion Gala last night.

It was quite the chore getting past the gala crowd corralled outside to find the "performance only peons" queue. Hilary remarked, "The building structure is lovely on the outside. Clean lines. A spacious inviting entry." David replied, "They always look nice on the outside. The truth is on the inside. This could end up being another full gut-reno."

We made it past the vaccine verification checkpoint smoothly and into the lobby. Hilary gazed at the ceiling, "Well isn't this nice - it's a gleaming open-concept with perfect traffic patterns. Obviously, the architect was ahead of his time." David said, "Oh yeah, Hilary? Look at this bathroom." Hilary's eyes squinted up like she got stinging soap in them, "This is unacceptable. There's no room for even a hand towel. Guests have to stand around in a line." David, becoming more confident, said, "True, Hilary, and I will have just the answer for that problem in another property." Hilary smirked, "Silly David. Let's have a look at the main living area."

Of course, we sat in the 4th Ring so as not to cause any celebrity-type disruptions and to get the best overall perspective of what was happening on both sides of the footlights. There seemed to be a lot of celebrity disturbances going on outside the theater. (Did anyone else see the lady who was poured into the yellow dress with her girls and nipples overflowing like the Revson Fountain on a rainy day? What exactly was she offering?)

David didn't care for our 4th Ring seats, "Couldn't we move down a level? That bossy chandelier is bothering my sight line." Hilary cut to the chase, "It won't annoy you when the performance starts. Try to focus, David, try to focus for once. You know, David, I originally wanted to be a ballet dancer. I actually attended the Royal Ballet School until I was about 11." David smirked, "I always knew that you must have had some special training in order to stay so skinny." Hillary, "Don't be such a prissy bitch, David." It was time for Haglund to intervene before the conversation went south.

We opened our Playbills for a quick look before the lights dimmed for some speeches. Boy, did the ears of the orchestra members perk up when new board chair Diana Taylor bragged that the gala had raised a whopping $2 million. Wow, how tactless to flaunt your money bags while stiffing the people who you owe. David couldn't contain himself and blurted out, "Pay the orchestra, dammit!"

Thank goodness we got to Jerome Robbins' Glass Pieces before David shattered audience protocol again. Amar Ramasar gave a final salute to the Facades PdD with the best fashion of the evening. Maria Kowroski will sign off on the role with a last performance on October 10th opposite Russell Janzen. On this night, both artists plumbed the depths of Robbins' originality -- his streamlined choreography for streamlined dancers to minimalist music provoked extra stretch and length in the limbs. Torsos, arms, and legs melded with the comfort of twenty years dancing together. It almost felt like we were intruding on a private goodbye.

The Rubric soloists were more settled into their roles than during their first performance last week. Ashley Hod danced spectacularly to the edge of every count and needs to officially come out of the corps for more soloist work. She's almost the textbook case of how a decade of corps work strengthens a young dancer and ripens artistry and maturity. But it's time for a lead in Agon as well as more sparkling ballerina roles.

Davide Riccardo has shot to the forefront of everyone's attention, not surprisingly, with his 1000% efforts, smooth partnering, and pristine technique. Anyone who watched his SAB performances, particularly opposite Mira Nadon, knows that he  possesses unique talent, unique discipline, and that je ne sais quoi that grabs the viewer's attention. His soloist work in Rubric and corps work in Akhnaten were exceptional--intense, joyous, limitless.

Also catching our attention in Glass Pieces this season have been Jonathan Fahoury, Olivia Boisson, and Emma Von Enck. Fahoury, especially, moves like the quintessential NYCB dancer with such seriousness of purpose and the ability to surprise the viewer with the intensity of his musicality. Those qualities brought back a flood of memories of Jennie Somogy who danced with a similar controlled force. What a pair they would have made...

Hilary and David thoroughly enjoyed Glass Pieces. Hilary said, "There's really not much I could do to improve it. Maybe reduce the shine on the unitards. But, really, it's a museum piece that's not a museum piece because it contains so much present day truth. Any updating would just clutter it up. Who wants to see the Rubric corps maneuvering around outdoor dining tables, people sleeping over sidewalk grating, and hand trucks barrelling through the crowds." Then the two of them put Haglund on the spot, " So Mr. H., are you going to love it or are you going to list it?" Of course Haglund replied, "I'm going to (pregnant pause) love it."

On to the next two pieces which were premieres commissioned for the gala. Sidra Bell's Suspended Animation and Andrea Miller's sky to hold were equally terrible, equally a waste of money, equally a waste of expenditure of calories but served the concept of the fashion gala well. There is simply nothing worthwhile that either choreographer has to offer NYCB. The company may as well hire Béla Károlyi to create a gala dance or Jim Carrey or Elon Musk or Bernie Sanders. Neither Bell nor Miller possess a ballet vocabulary beyond what one sees in a local avocational class in the evening; so it should come as no surprise that their works communicated nothing on this stage. It all looked the same: do a couple of movements, stop, wave arms, repeat. Then let Harrison Ball or Taylor Stanley do some frenetic movements that they helped the choreographers make up. Push the boundaries of ballet by putting Peter Walker on stage with his ponytail and beard in a pink tutu and of course turn Sara Mearns' melodramatic facial expressions and long hair loose. It all was beyond terrible, but at least it wasn't offensive.

Christopher John Rogers' costumes for Bell's dance were vibrant, colorful, catwalk-worthy designs. We mentioned Walker's pink tutu, but there were other pleasant examples of wearable art (not danceable art): a huge orange dress for Emily Kikta, a green contraption with unlikely hat for Megan LeCrone, and an elaborate sultry blue costume for the always sultry Mira Nadon. Esteban Cortazar's costumes for Miller's dance better incorporated the fabric into the choreography. The gauzy strips sometimes accented the dancers' lines as they moved. Men were draped to the same extent as the women, and there was plenty of "everyone dances with everyone" lip service. Men leaped into women's arms, women sat atop women's shoulders, men sat atop men's shoulders. Thankfully, the choreographer didn't go so far as to ask Baily Jones to carry Preston Chamblee, but you get the idea. All of it was a woke-lame load of waste.

Hilary and David sat there almost speechless. Almost. David said, "Well, Hilary, not much you can do with that. You might as well concede to me now." Hilary shook her head, "Not even gut-renos would save these two. We should burn them to the ground and start over. Not even The Property Brothers would take on these projects." Then they put Haglund on the spot again, "Mr. H., are you going to love them or are you going to list them." Haglund replied, "I'm going to (pregnant pause) list them."

So that's the way the gala went. Unfortunately, Haglund can't bear to sit through the two new dances again and and thus will miss Western Symphony which is included on the bill on future dates. If NYCB had put Western Symphony on the front of the bill, many would be willing to buy tickets and then leave at the pause. But sit through this crap again - no thanks.

Glass Pieces saved the evening. And so, we bestow the H.H. Pump Bump Award upon Amar Ramasar and Maria Kowroski. If only red and blue could always work so well together...

Comments

[yukionna]

I'm not surprised about the new works. I'm debating whether it's worth it to slog through them to get to Western Symphony.

[Steph]

I've been hoping to hear your thoughts on Chun Wai Chan is fitting in at NYCB. His absence was very felt on the Houston Ballet side of things on opening night. It would be interesting to hear how he is adapting to the NYCB rep.

[Haglund]

Hi, Steph.

I'll get to Chun Wai Chan in due course. Thus far he has been a commanding standout in everything he has danced. A very powerful presence -- the viewer knows immediately when Chan has hit the stage. I vividly recall his noble demeanor and depth of drama as Siegfried when I flew down to Houston to see Yuriko's Swan Lake. He's blessed with a strong, square jawline that makes the viewer immediately pay attention to whatever he is doing. I hope to see him paired up with someone like Phelan or LaFreniere (if he's tall enough) rather than getting assigned to a big principal lady simply because he is strong. NYCB could promote him to principal tomorrow, and not many would grumble. NY thanks Houston for this fine artist.

BTW, do you expect to see Yuriko in anything this season?

[Steph]

I'm hopeful to see Yuriko. No announcements with her yet, but fingers crossed some come our way. We are season ticket holders almost exclusively for her, Natalie Varnum, and Karina Gonzales Edwards.

[Rachel Perez]

Unity and Roman promoted to principal and soloist, respectively!

[Haglund]

Thanks, Rachel!