Haglund's Heel

Heard on the street . . .

Episode one here.  Episode two here.  Episode three here.

[Very late at night.  Somewhere on Lafayette Avenue.  In Brooklyn.]

Reilly:    Did you hear?  One of the brothers was holed up back stage at the Guggenheim this week when ABT gave a preview lecture/demo on our new Nutcracker.  He saw our costumes.  We’re gonna be white!  Can you believe it!  Bed-Stuy rats in whiteface.  Ha!

 

Reggie:    Well, the neighborhood up by BAM is a little tonier now – Fort Somethingorother.  We just have to accept the gentrification process without letting it push us out.  People up there are comfortable with the idea of white lab mice, but not rats like us.

 

Reilly:    It seems the Rat King is gonna have seven heads.  Seven white heads.

 

Reggie:    You know what that means, don’t you?  Seven heads means seven brains.  We’re gonna be brainy white rats – that’s why RATmansky gave us all that difficult choreography.  The rats are finally gonna win the battle in The Nutcracker – it’s about time.

 

Reilly:    Don’t bet on it. Come January, we'll still be shopping in the garbage cans.

Heard on the street . . .

Episode One here.  Episode Two here.

[Somewhere on Lafayette Avenue.  In Brooklyn.]

Reggie:    Hear that?  Isn't it a little late in the season for the ice cream truck?

Reilly:      Wait a minute!  Hold onto your tail.  Something looks a little suspicious!

Reggie:    Oh man.  How lame is that?!  But do you think we could sneak in and —

Reilly:      No!

 

Heard on the street . . .

 Episode One here.

[Very late at night.  Somewhere on Lafayette Avenue. In Brooklyn.]

Reggie:    I don't know what else I could have done.  I don't know what else he could possibly have expected from me.  I out-danced everyone in the room.  Sure, maybe my body-type is not perfect but I have a soul and a damn good tail.  Did you see how well I did that square around-the-face port de tail ? And I know how to excite the audience —

Reilly:    Calm down, calm down.  RATmansky made you the understudy for three roles including mine.  Don't worry, at some point during the run, you'll make it on stage.  Just be grateful you won't have to pick up Pinkiphant.

 

Reggie:    You mean "Angelina" the ballerina?

 

Reilly:    Did you see the gut on her? 

 

Reggie:    She smiled at me. Oh, those lips.  I'd love to dance with her.  But you're the one who will be her dansewer in The Nutcracker.  And by the way, I really did not appreciate the way you cut in front of me at the audition while we were going across the floor on the diagonal.

 

Reilly:    I didn't cut in front of you.

 

Reggie:    Yes, you most certainly did.  Right as I was in the middle – directly in front of RATmansky – you cut in front of me.  When he called out "double tour to the floor, play dead" you were right in front of me and all he saw was you.  I'm so disappointed that you – my oldest friend – would cut in front of me like that and kill my chances to rise to the level of stardom in The Nutcracker.

 

Reilly:    Listen, it was all an accident.  Accidents happen.  Sometimes bad things happen but we get over them and move on.  Come on.  I'm hungry.

 

Reggie:    You're right.  Sometimes bad things happen – and we get eev-over them.  Here – have some peanut butter.

 

Reilly:    It smells kind of funny. 

 

Reggie:    Take it.  It's fine.

 

Reilly    Uh.  Regg?  No, thanks.

 

Reggie:  I said, "TAKE IT."  NOW!  BEFORE I SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!  Hey, where are you going?!  You come back here you lying, bloated rodent . . . .

Editor's note:  September 14th can't get here quickly enough.

Heard on the street . . .

 

[Very late at night.  Somewhere on Lafayette Avenue.  In Brooklyn.]

 

Reggie:    Did you see the ABT Nutcracker Audition Notice in the garbage up by Waverly Avenue?

 

Reilly:    No man, I'm trying to find that KFC hot wing and mashed potatoes that I saw the guy dump in the corner can.  I know it's there somewhere, but I can't get up the side of the can.  My claws won't hold me. 

 

Reggie:    You need to cut weight.  Stick to the leftover salads on the street between Clinton and Washington. 

 

Reilly:    That's a subway ride up to Clinton.  I'm staying out of the subway for now.  It's too freakin' dangerous.  The Department of Health is looking for us and it's not just to write us a ticket!

 

Reggie:    Well then, WALK.  It'll do you good.  You've got to get into shape if you want to impress RATmansky at the audition.

 

Reilly:    You're right.  This new Nutcracker is gonna be my ticket outta here.  I've always wanted to be on stage – or in the audience under someone's feet – or even just in a dressing room.  My life is the thea-tra !

 

Reggie:    You're such a ham.

 

Reilly:    Oh man, what I wouldn't give for a little ham.  Let's go check the cans in front of the church.  Church hand-outs have been good lately.  What exactly do we have to do at this Nutcracker audition?

 

Reggie:    High-speed scurry in a circle.  Extend our tails.  Basic technique.  I'm sure you can handle it.

 

Reilly:    Is this guy RATmansky going to expect a resume?

Reggie:    Naa,  you're wearing it.